trying.

I have been trying to find the positive in things, and trying to soak in all these moments of Motherhood. Sometimes it is easier said, then done. I look at our baby, and she is looking more and more like a little girl. Time goes by so quickly, and I already miss the day we brought her in to this world. Yes, this is all so cliché...I know.

Some nights long after I have nursed her back to sleep {again!}, I sit and rock. Sometimes I talk to her, even though she is snoring {and I love the snoring too}. Sometimes I inspect her chubby little fingers, and rub her soft chubby cheeks. I adore when she has an awesome case of bed head, or when her cheeks get nice and rosy from us being skin to skin.

I have gotten frustrated with her sleeping patterns, but in the quiet of the night when I give myself the chance to think...I realize she is my miracle. This baby girl we knew should be ours, we were lucky enough to get. I have relished these moments we get to share in the middle of the night more lately.

The other night Bina just needed me to hold her, tell her I loved her, and put her back to bed. When I crawled back to bed Paul said this...and it stuck.

"Doesn't it feel good to know that someone needs you so much they can't even go an entire night without you."

How can you be mad at that sweet thing when you look at it this way?

my success.

It's Friday. We made it.

I have done a lot of thinking this week. It has lead me to do a lot of writing, and yet I still didn't come up with a complete post. Eh, what do you do.

Our little Bina baby doesn't sleep through the night. At this point I am thinking she may not figure it out for a very long time. I am tired, I get grouchy when I don't get my sleep, and I tend to lose all motivation.

One late-night feeding I started thinking about how people measure their success? Is it how much they workout? Is it how skinny they are? Is it how clean their house is? I am realizing I need to start measuring my success by all the small things. If I do it this way, I don't feel like such a failure.

My successful week...

I worked out 1 of the 5 days this week.
I cooked 2 out of the 5 days this week.

I had a play date with my friend Jerilee, and loved it.
I didn't start every day with a Coke, but can't remember how many days.
I gave the kids haircuts, and they don't look awful.

The kids cleaned their bedroom, even if I did have to go in the garbage bag.
I didn't eat the entire bag of candy in one day. Holla.
We took the kids to the Library, and it was fun.
We were productive with our tax return, instead of going on the vacation we are dreaming of.

I followed through when I had those little promptings I sometimes get.
The kids played in a fort I built for an entire afternoon without fighting.

It might not be what someone else thinks is success, but it is my success.

How do you measure your success?

Mega Bloks Barbie Party!

Not gonna lie, we were pretty stoked to host this Mega Bloks Barbie Party! We were anxious to receive our party package, invite friends, and build until our hearts were content.

Every little girl received one of the adorable Mega Bloks Barbie Build 'n Style Kiosks, and we started building those first. I saw some following the directions exactly, and others building their kiosk exactly the way they wanted it. It was fun to see the girls {and Mom's} get excited over all the tiny cupcakes, ice cream cones, etc. that the Mega Bloks Barbie line all has. Isn't everything cuter when it is miniature!?

We were also sent one of the Mega Bloks Barbie Build 'n Style Luxury Mansion, and a Build 'n Style Pool Party. After we were done with our kiosks, we split up in to two groups and each got started building those. The details are adorable, and they definitely thought of everything to add right down to the house cat.

In no time everyone was playing by the pool side, and baking something up in the Mega Bloks Barbie Mansion kitchen. I don't think that any of the girls were disappointed with the end result. I thought it was just too cute when I saw a little group of girls {and one little Devin} gathered around playing pretend.

Some of the parts were not as easy for the girls to put together. It felt like they were warped, and just keep unsnapping. Once we put a little muscle in to it, they seemed to stay put. We also had a few parts that were broken/melted funny when we opened the box, but one quick tweet to Mega Bloks, and they were quick to resolve the issue...which is always nice when a company has good customer service.

My friend Cathy even made the most delicious cupcakes to go along with the theme, and we all thought they were better than a certain local cupcake shop.

We had so much fun, and this was definitely the kind of party that was effortless.

Disclosure: Thank you MomSelect and Mega Bloks for letting us host such a fly party. All opinions belong to us, yesiree.

new things.

We started a couple of things in our house that seem to be working, and hopefully they will stick around for a long time...knock on wood.

If you haven't been to the Target $1 bins...run, quick {I'll wait} so you can score all of the awesome they have goin' on.

One day I went and found these cute little mailboxes, and quickly I had this idea of a family type Operation Snail Mail/reward system for my kids. I picked up a bunch of little things like lip gloss, bath bombs, bubble bath, some plastic rings, etc.{I got all of this in the $1 bin as well} to put inside of the mailboxes.

I had this grand plan of decorating the mailboxes, but honestly the kids don't care. So, I just put names on them for now. If the kids help, listen, have a bad day...I sneak a little prize in their mailbox, and put the flag up. Devin was even good enough to get Hotel Transylvania sitting by his mailbox. There have also been a lot of days that the mailboxes have sat empty, I take this reward system pretty seriously. The kids have to really be good, none of this being a big push over. It took a week for Savannah to figure out that she wasn't going to come home from school every day with something waiting.

We also decided that it takes more than just me trying to keep the house clean. Every Saturday we all clean in the morning, if chores get done...we have fun afternoon. It is really motivating, and we have had some fun things planned to do as a reward. The biggest thing, our house is clean for Sunday, and we can actually rest. Nothing beats a clean house, IMO.

The kids haven't completely adjusted to this new cleaning routine, but they are loving the fun Saturday afternoons. Devin is good if you give him little chores, and Savannah likes to complain a. lot. BUT I am glad that we are changing. Change is good for us, right?

love is in the air.

I definitely don't dread Valentine's day like some might. Some years Paul will surprise me with something, and most years I do nothing. What a lucky guy to have me, eh?

Last night Paul sent me to dinner by myself, and it was probably the best Valentine present anyone could have ever given me. It was lovely riding in the car without the sound of a crying baby, the feel of a little boy kicking the back of my seat, and picking the songs that I wanted to hear...instead of an 8 year old telling me what she wanted to listen to something different.

I didn't do anything fancy. A café, a salad, and oodles of people watching to do. I didn't have to worry about anyone spilling, I could eat with two hands, and I didn't have to share. Amazing how a little alone time can really rejuvenate your spirit.

I usually curse Pinterest, and how it makes me feel like I am totally failing because I don't do this or that. This past week I have had a change of heart. I love that it has inspired me to want to do more and be better. This doesn't mean I have to do everything I see on Pinterest, but just try harder at making fun memories with my kids.

Last night I pulled out some of my $1 spot finds, and created a little surprise for the kids to wake up to. They didn't expect it, and I probably won't do it for every holiday...but it was so worth it.

Savannah said that today was going to be the best day ever, because I made breakfast instead of a bowl of cereal.

Devin told everyone how much he WUVED his new socks.

It was simple, it was inexpensive, and it made my morning watching my kids.

I definitely need to show my family more often just how much I love them, because sometimes they don't get the best of me like I would hope.

Thank you Pinners of Pinterest who help to inspire me.

Happy Valentine's Day!

put a bird on it.

A couple of weeks ago, I was home with the kids by myself. After giving Sabrina a bath, and putting her to bed...I came down to the kitchen to find water coming out of our light fixture. Not the most comforting sight. It quickly made the paint on the ceiling bubble, and we started to freak out. We found ourselves trying to find a plumber in the middle of a blizzard {of course!}. His ETA was Midnight. Ugh. So, we while waited we tried to figure out how water would leak in our kitchen when absolutely nothing showed signs of water leaking upstairs.

He came, he was weird, and we tried for 2 hours to duplicate the leak...and got nothin'. Plumber #1 said that he would be happy to cut a hole in our ceiling for $300 to find out the problem. We passed, and decided to get some sleep.

The next day we call Plumber #2, and he refers us to Handyman #1. Handyman #1 no shows two days in a row, and we still are having sporadic leaking.

I call my friend Lynda, and we go over and over this stupid leak. She refers me to Handyman #2. He comes, and we spend forever trying to figure out this leak. Handyman #2 thinks it is the shelves in my shower that were poorly installed. It seemed like a long shot, but he gave us a cheap bid...and we went with it.

After we stopped using that shower, and still had the leak...we realized the shelf idea was not the problem. We call Handyman #2 back over a weekend, and got no response. Back to square one.

So, I call Lynda back and she feels bad, and makes her husband come and play Handyman #3. He was nice enough to spend a few hours trouble shooting with us. This time we were partly successful, and found that my jetted tub had been leaking in the garage through the spout {not the shelves like Handyman #2 thought}...but still didn't figure out the mysterious leak in the kitchen.

Are you sick of this story yet, because we sure were dunzo at this point.

Some days the leak decided to show its ugly face, and other days was dry as a bone. Sometime between all these days, we figure out we have a leak from the dryer. I know, we didn't think we could leak from a vent that blows only hot air either.

We are at our breaking point, and I call Plumber #2 back to tell him I need help still...so he refers me to Plumber #3. Confused yet? So, Plumber #3 comes over to inspect my problem. He was weird, drove a box truck, and I may have thought he was going to murder me and stuff me in the back of said truck {I'm kidding, sort of.}. He decides we have just gotta cut a hole in my kitchen ceiling. He did an awful job at making the hole pretty, made me almost have an anxiety attack from cutting after I said stop, and found the leak was indeed coming from my dryer vent. He also can't repair it, nor can he fix the hole in my ceiling. Back to the drawing board we go.

I call Handyman #2 back, and tell him above story...and he comes back to my house. After seeing the damage from Plumber #3, he gives me a $500 bid...and we are on our way to fixing the problem.

So, what was causing the leak? Just a freakin' bird flew in from outside through the vent and made a fat nest in there. Totally clogging my dryer vent, making me think I needed to go out and buy a new dryer, and putting us through hell. So help me if I ever see that bird, I am gonna give him a piece of my mind.

oooh-weee.

It looks like the bad luck of 2012 followed us right in to 2013.

Our life has so much good, but when you are in the thick of lots of crappy stuff...it is much harder to see the good. Am I right? I start to forget about all the things that make me happy. I do like to play the game of at least I don't have this or that problem, it helps me put things in to perspective.

Yesterday was a really low day for me, I tend to get really depressed when I have minimal sleep. When I said something pathetic sounding, Paul laughed and said "Wow, no one should hang around you today!" I guess it is a good thing I don't feel like blogging, because who wants to read depressing stuff?!

I have been really thankful for those friends that have stopped by with a large Coke on days I haven't been myself. I am thankful for a friend that invited me on a little shopping date, it really helped. I am thankful for a friend sending me an email making sure I was okay, because I haven't blogged. I am thankful for my husband who never gives up on trying to put a smile on my face, even if that means spending more of his money.

I really am lucky even if a lot of the cards aren't landing our way lately. Everything always works out, things can always be worse, and I need to learn to focus on the positive.

P to the S This week is already starting to look up, I got a decent night of sleep last night and our leaking problem is finally getting resolved. PTL.

a workout journal {week 4}

If you would have told me 4 weeks ago that I would still be working out, I wouldn't have believed you. I can't say that it has gotten easier, because it is hard to keep doing something that hurts. I liked what one of my friends said on Facebook, "The workouts should not be easy, or everyone would be doing it!" Amen to that.

One day I heard a ripping sound in my pants as I was doing squats...that was not the ego boost I was hoping for.

I usually save the crying for after the workout, but one of the days I could barely get through the workout without tearing up. Some of these things are really hard for my body to do, and sometimes you make a fool of yourself when you try. Yes, I realize I should be proud of myself for trying, but it doesn't make it feel good to fall on your face.

Instead of going to a workout one day I decided to create a playroom, and wipe off the stationary bike that had an inch of dust collecting on it. I am excited to start using this to mix things up.

I was asked what kind of workouts I am doing, and this is just a sample of one I did last week. This cute girl in the video is the main instructor.

I was in bed determined to come up with any excuse to not go yesterday morning, but I went. It is starting to become something I need to get me out of grumpy moods. Yes, it does make me cry, but it makes me feel so much better. 

When this all started I didn't want to change my diet, and so I haven't. This is why I probably haven't quit working out, the small steps help me keep sane. One day I will change my diet, once I have a handle on the working out. In the past I have become unbearable to be around when I have tried to change it all. So, although it would be lovely to be seeing bigger results, I have to pace myself.

Week 4 down, yo.

a workout journal {week 3}

January 28th, 2013

Before this week even started I wanted to exercise every single day. Then I looked at the calendar and realized I had Bina's Dr. appointment bright and early today...missing my workout. So bummed out, and I was even tempted to reschedule her visit...

I guess the shoveling snow counts for something though.

January 29th, 2013

I was really excited to work out, and then I got there...I just felt off. Those feelings of being pathetic and weak were strong in my head, and the more I worked out it only became worse. Every push up I couldn't do, every time I had to stop...it just made me sad.

This isn't an overnight journey, I know this. Every time I have gotten to this point, I usually have given up. I may be driving my readers crazy with these weekly exercise updates, but the truth is...this may be the only reason why I haven't stopped. I don't want to be embarrassed, I don't want to be weak, and I want to prove some people wrong.

I took my weekly pictures, and it is hard to see absolutely no change...because of course I should be a size 2 by now with all the working out I do. {wink} Just when I thought I had changed emotionally, I took a few steps back with that as well.

I came home and shoveled 6+ inches of snow, and worked up another sweat.

I look forward to a new day.

January 30th, 2013

I had a long talk with myself, and everything is going to be alright. I may not exercise every day. Sometimes my kids don't sleep well at night, and I can't find my motivation in the morning. I can't let these be reasons to not be active. Devin has gone to enough of these morning workouts that he is starting to know how to warm up. We had fun doing some of those exercises together, and I love that I am teaching my kids young to take care of themselves.

January 31, 2013

I did Just Dance with the kids, and you know what? Devin quit before I did. Now that is sayin' something.

February 1st, 2013

I took an early weekend, and not because I deserved it. Life seems to get in the way of working out a lot. Does anyone else have this problem, or is it just me?