12 years.

Tomorrow I will be married to my best friend for 12 years.

We made it even though everyone thought we wouldn't last, including me.

Thank you for believing in me Paul, believing in us...

I love you, Paul.

bangs.

Ever since Van was a baby she hasn't had bangs.  Truth is, I don't know how to do them.  Last time I had bangs I was in 3rd grade with a perm, and the higher the bangs were...the better.  Pretty sure that isn't the style anymore.

Driving in the car a month or so ago she said "Mom, I want vangs."  Um, what are VANGS!?  She got so irritated while she explained what BANGS were.

I didn't correct her, because well...it's funny.  I like to hear her say "Mom..I want the vangs that swoop over my one eye!"

I told her I had to consult the higher authorities about her vangs, before I would do it.  (This is to be read, Auntie Jill...do you think Van would look good with vangs, and can you teach me how to do them?)

I hoped she would forget.

Yesterday Paul called me "Um, vangs are bangs...right Mommy?"  Yes Paul they are...why?  "I TOLD YOU VAN!" is all I heard, and then sobbing from Van.  Van was telling Paul how they were not bangs they are vangs, and Van hates to be proved wrong.

We have all made up, and have come to an agreement...Van will be getting VANGS in the summer so I don't have to worry about doing them. =)

accepting.

When I first went to the doctor about my depression she said we will see how things are in March.  Not long after that appointment I felt so good, I felt like I didn't need to take the pills anymore.  So, I went off.  BIG mistake, I was not better.  I did stupid things like quit nursing, and wasted days being grumpy. 

Shortly after I started taking them AGAIN.  I felt good again, and then I went off of them AGAIN.  (Repeat this sentence like 3 times)

Do you see a pattern?

It is the pills that make me better, and for someone that has never had to take a pill to make me happy...I am obviously having a hard time with it.

It is hard to realize that my body has changed, and as much as I want it to magically poof! back to my old self, it is struggling to do so.  March came and went, and instead of being "better" I am still struggling.

Today is a new day, I feel better already...(can you tell I took my pill?)

I will survive, and hope I can be the best ME, Wife, Mommy, and friend possible...even if I have to take a pill to do so.

Stay with me friends...I am working on it.

a story in a picture

(click to enlarge)

easter eve.

there is something that brings out the best in me around the holidays.

my house is spotless.
my kids smell good before they go to bed.
my insides are happy.

happy easter friends.
signing off.

my tips for picking out the perfect purse.

The day before I got married in the San Diego LDS temple, I hopped the border to Tijuana.  One and only mission...buy fake Dooney and Bourke purses.  I think we came home with 3 or 4.  I used one of the purses for a year, and it cost me $15.

This is where my love for Dooney's began.

My first department store purse and wallet I bought was Guess brand.  In less than 6 months, it fell apart and I had spent $100 for the set.  I was maaaad, and all these years later...I still don't buy Guess.

I would literally go and swoon the glass cases at Dillard's...until one day Paul finally bought me my first REAL Dooney and Bourke purse...and literally it has been true love ever since!

So here is a play-by-play of a normal purse shopping experience...all pictures taken on my camera phone (which the quality stinks).

tip #1 go to a store that is in your price range.

I always take my trusty side kick, the man I call my money bags.  He knows my style, and he has been shopping enough with me...and he knows the sales ladies in the purse department.

tip #2 take someone that can help you.

This particular shopping trip, I didn't find anything that I was in love with.  I entertained the idea of buying a different brand, but I decided I am loyal customer...

#3 you don't always find the perfect purse the 1st time you go.

So here are some of the purses that I loved, but are not Dooney and Bourke.

These are like those jelly shoes you wore when you were 8, but the purse version.  These are made by Furla , and the only reason why I don't own one of thse right this very second...the price.

(yes, that is $195 for a plastic purse that everyone will be able to see how messy and what tampons you use inside of it)

This purse is obviously made by Coach, I know Coach is trendy...but I have never been a fan of most of their selection.  It all looks the same to me most of the time.  We all know Von can't blend.  So, I did take this purse into some serious consideration, and the reason why I ultimately didn't get it...the fabric felt cheap.

tip #4 take the time to really think about the pros and cons of each purse.  I feel the purse, throw it over my shoulder, and I even make sure it is easy to take my wallet in and out.

These purses are a no way...no how for me...some of them are even Dooney.

So like I said, this trip was unsuccessful.  When you spend a couple hundred dollars on a purse, I like to make sure I am 100% happy with it.  I did look at Disney online, because they have a really cute Dooney and Bourke line...but I decided to wait until I could see them in person to make that purchase.

We went last weekend, and I ended up finding my spring purse.  So, this is my new style for the next couple of months.  I had never had this style before, and I am liking it.

being offended is a choice.

Kenna adopted her baby.
I didn't adopt my babies.

Kenna is a stay at home Mommy.
I am a working Mommy.

Kenna is funny.
I try to be funny.

Kenna has awesome parents.
I don't have my parents.

Even though we are different, we are friends.

Kenna could be offended because I can get pregnant, and I complain to her about how much I hate being pregnant.

I could be offended because Kenna talks about not wanting to be a stay at home Mommy, and I dream of the day I can be one.

By making an effort to not be offended by these things, we are besties in the making!

A few months ago, I was offended by a talk in church.  Gasp!  Yup, the girl that doesn't get offended...I went and got all up in a huff over a stupid talk.  I haven't stopped thinking about it, stewing over how mad it made me, and when I see him...I give him my best glare!  Do you think he even knows it made me mad?  Nope.  Do you think he even sees my best glare?  Nope.  So...who am I really hurting in the process?  ME!

Can you imagine if we all had the same problems?  The same situation?  Reacted the same to every situation?  Booorrring! 

Not that I am saying Kenna should up and have another surgery in the near future, because she has definitely had enough excitement...but I like to talk about the silver lining...I met Kenna the first time in a hospital after having one of her surgeries!  It was an excuse to sit on a plastic couch, and talk...and love on her cute son!  (Who, by the way, loooved me! AND yes I am bragging!)

I was there for Kenna when she lost all hope to have children grow inside her.  It is hard, I don't know the right words...but I am here for her.  Even though I don't comprehend what that feels like, we can still be friends.

She has listened to me complain about going to work, and missing my family.  Even though her problem is not my problem...she listened, and has been there for me.

After all...that is what friends are for, right?

Who could be your friend that isn't, because you are too busy being offended?

This is one of those life lessons that is easier said than done, I realize I will probably still cringe when I see the guy at church.  I might even have a come apart on him...one day. 

Good thing I will have Kenna to complain to when it all goes down!

mostly wordless wednesday: learning to love myself

Someone asked me in my post what my favorite shirt is.  I don't really have one, I have lots!  I love jammies or what I call cozy clothes!  So if you saw me yesterday at Kneaders, this is how I went.  I might have even dropped Van off at school looking like this too...and I waited till the last possible minute to change into my regular clothes for work.

(Van's favorite picture, not my favorite)

I have been learning to love myself and embrace the camera.  I can't change the way I look, but I can learn to love it!  Being comfortable in my own skin.

the girl in the yellow shirt.

I have been going to Zumba every week.  Of course there is those regulars that come, and then sometimes there is new blood in the class.

I use to hide in the back of the class, and then I realized I stay more motivated if I am in the front.  The downside is that I have to see myself in the full length mirror.  It isn't the most desirable look...and last week I had a major sweating problem.  Oh, and the poor people that stand behind me, they really should know better.

The upside to being in the front...I get to see a good view of everyone in the class in the mirror.

Last week there was a cute girl in a yellow shirt.

She is tall, rather slender, braided pig tails, and guess what?  Smiles the entire time she is watching herself in the mirror.

While I am trying not to look at myself, this girl is smiling at how she looks. When I do get a glimpse...I am not about to smile at how I look...and then this chick decides to smile. Whaaa!!!?

I spent most of the hour watching her.

What an example the girl in the yellow shirt was to me.

First of all she looks like she was having fun.
She was smiling at how she looked doing it.
I couldn't decide if she knew I was watching her or not...but she didn't care if I was.
She had a cute Zumba swagger.

Every day since I have thought about the girl in the yellow shirt.

Goal for this week...

Smile more and have a swagger for life.

when my man decorates

I have been decorating here and there. It has been fun to hang the beautiful pictures from Kim Orlandini Photography of Vin in my bedroom, and I made a trip to Ikea for some throw pillows that were desperately needed for my bed.

Paul has strong opinions of what I do in our house. Maybe most husbands don't care, but mine does. I have done a lot of the small decorating without his opinion this time. He did not approve.

Sooo...because I did it without him...he did some decorating on his own.

Yes, he is funny like that.

the first of the season.

Van is in heaven again.  It is that time of year again...endless hours will be spent trying to find all the creepy, crawling, slimey creatures in our back yard.

This is WORM-e.  She found the closest container, and made it his home.

 When I told her it was time to come in...she found the best hiding place for WORM-e.  She was determined to make him her newest best pet!

 She was so excited to show Vin her gross new creature...she accidentally broke WORM-e in half.

 and so the hunt for a new pet continues...

wordless wednesday: devin the menace

ask and ye shall receive.

I guess Paul finally got sick of me talking about the camera that I couldn't live without...and he came home yesterday with my new sweet baby Rebel.  Watch out blogland, I might go crazy with pictures.

Thank you Paul for always listening and making all my dreams come true.

What are your 3 most favorite things?

My camera.
Even though I really want this camera, my camera does just fine in capturing my cute family.

My phone.
My new favorite app is definitely Four Square. 

My bed.
I love my new big girl bed.  Who knew a king size bed could be so amazing!?

This was hard to narrow down 3 things.  What would top your list?  Computer, TV, and my car could have easily be switched for any of these things.

Wanna play along?  Ask your question here.

How do you juggle being a Mom and having a career?

Just when I was getting the hang of being a working Mom with Van, we had Vin!  Then Van decided to grow up, and go to Kindergarten...booo!!  This past year has had a lot of growing pains for me {and for Paul too}!

The dishes go without being done for days, the laundry piles up, the bathroom looks like it threw up makeup and clothes, and I just had to step over a bunch of toys to kiss and tuck Van into her bed for the night.

In the morning it is all about my two children. 

I wake up to both of my children playing in Vin's room.  We eat breakfast while Paul sleeps in from staying up far too late.  Baths, movies, snacks, playing toys, naps, homework, and sometimes I squeeze in some cleaning before taking Van to school.

I go to lunch almost every day with Paul and Vin...more food reviews comin' atcha!

AND then it is time for me to go to work.

I get to work on time, I do my job, and I come home exhausted.

When I get home...I blog, I catch up with my TV shows {bless the person who came up with On Demand} while I blog, and I relax.

All to wake up and do it again the next day.

I am always telling Paul that I can't keep up, and he kindly reminds me that my children are happy, we are happy...that is all that matters.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I am not the best example of someone who is doing a phenomenal job at the juggling act. 

I admire those Mom's that can do it all, and have a clean house...oh, and have twice as many kids as I do. One day I will achieve that, but right now I am just trying my best.

Angie...thank you for asking this question.  I am excited to finally meet you, and have you take some beautiful family pictures of us.

Wanna play along?  Ask your question here.

What is a restaurant you would NEVER go back to?

First off, thank you for all of the birthday wishes. You all made my day that much better. It was a pretty off the hook 30th.

Paul and I have this thing...

If you have really good food, you can have kinda poor service and get away with it.

If you have average food, you have to have really good customer service to make up for the average food.

If you have neither...you are just plain screwed.

Let me tell you about me least favorite restaurant.

The Mayan.

Our most recent experience was two weekends ago.  We always plan something fun as a family on Saturday, it was Van's turn to plan.  She really wanted to go to The Mayan.  I hated the food the time we went before, but I did tell her that she could plan...so we went with it.

I arrived earlier than Paul with the kids, and told him I would get seated.  The hostess asked if we were okay with stairs, and we were.  Off we ventured up to the very top of the restaurant.  She says to me "Is this table okay?"  Ya know, like most places do.  I say "No." 

(I am usually not picky, but you go to The Mayan so that you can actually see the divers, right?  Well, we couldn't see them.  I knew Van would not sit down and eat if she couldn't see the show.)

I ask the hostess if we can have the next empty table over, and she says that it will be occupied shortly.  Okay...sooo, I wasn't happy with the table, but we sit.  I wait for Paul, and as soon as he sits down he immediately thinks the same thing..."Can Van even see the show?"  We wait awhile, waiter comes, I complain again...he says he can't do anything about it.  Paul finally goes to another person, and complains for the 3rd time.  They tell us we have to go back down to the lobby and wait for another table if we want to change.

By this point...we were super frustrated.  We start heading down to the lobby, they tell us it will be another 10-15 minute wait.  We were okay with this, because it was that important for us to see the divers.  We get all the way down the stairs, and guess what they say "Sell, Party of 4."  Are you kidding me?  Were they just trying to make this extremely inconvenient!!  It worked, and that is when I promptly walked out of The Mayan, and walked across the street to Spaghetti Mama's!

Here is a list of other places we could think of right away that we will never go back to...

Crazy Buffet in West Valley City
Q4U BBQ in Kearns
Fortune Chinese in Provo
Taqueria El Rey De Oros in Murray

Wanna play along?  Ask your question here.

soo...this is what 30 feels like.

I had a whole post written for today.

I woke up, and something happened and I decided to delete and start over.

Today I am 30.  Still can't believe it.  There is something about being in your 30's that feels much more adult.  I like to think I can still act 20 something, and sometimes even 18.

Here is where I should tell you all my big accomplishments I have conquered in my 30 years.

Truth is...

I haven't climbed the tallest mountain.

I haven't ran any long races.

I haven't traveled to far off lands.

I haven't graduated from any big University.

I haven't got some major promotion at work.

What I am very proud of is...

My marriage, my children, and the other amazing people that I surrounded myself with.  To me that is by far the most important part of my 30 years.

So...ready or not...Von is 30...and I am going to show you just how cool it really can be!

What are the benefits and disadvantages of having your kids far apart?

I can only speak for my own personal experience.

I don't know what it is like to have my children close in age.  

My siblings and I are very close in age, and as we were growing up I didn't care about it.  Now that we are adults it didn't make us "close" just because our ages are similar.  So going off of that...here is my opinion.

I see very little disadvantages to having a large age gap.  You do forget what it is like to have sleepless nights, and you do get out of the swing of things.  My car seat expired, we had to buy new of most things...but we would have had to anyway...because Vin wasn't a girl! :)  AND really what new Mommy doesn't like to shop for fun new things!?

The benefits for me are endless.

Van HELPS a lot!
Van helps feed him.
Van helps me give him a bath.
Van plays with him when I need to get stuff done.
Van cleans up after him, and his toys.
Van is my little babysitter while I am in the shower.
Van pushes the stroller.
Van likes to show Vin how to do things.

Pregnancy is hard on me...when I wasn't on my "A game" there was not a toddler for me to have to chase.  Van was very willing to watch movies with me, make her own sandwich, and let me be.

When Vin was born the problems we had were Van wanting to help too much.  She didn't want to leave us at the hospital.  She wanted to be up in his grill constantly.  She wanted to wake him up so they could play. 

Van was very ready to be an older sister.

We occasionally have jealousy between the two, because Vin goes through clothes a lot...Van wants us to buy stuff for her as frequently as we do for the baby.  Those are the moments we explain to her that she takes Tae Kwon Do, she goes to the movies, she got whatever toy she was begging for at the moment.

Obviously it has worked out well for us so far (I will let you know in 10 years if they hate me for it)!

Van made it a pretty easy transition though.

Thank you Rebecca for asking.  Can't wait for you to be a Mommy of two!

What is your FAVORITE and LEAST favorite song currently?

Now that I have my whole HTML problem solved, let's get back to answering the questions. Want to join in the fun? Comment here to ask your question.

My current favorite song is this...Really it was hard to narrow down.  I have different songs that I like to sing vs. just listen to.

Hands down my least favorite song is this one...I didn't even have to think about it.  How did this song get popular?  Oh yeah, it is all about who you know. Is there any song more annoying than this??