oh boy, or should I say girl.

5 weeks ago I went through what I thought was a miscarriage.  I called my Midwife, and told her what happened.  She said "Oh boy, you had a miscarriage, and it sounds like your body is doing exactly what it is suppose to. You should feel better in 2-3 weeks."  She also said that because she was a Midwife she couldn't perform a D&C, and I would have to go to my OBGYN for that.  

So, I waited. 

2 weeks came and went, and I was still sick,

3 weeks came and went, and I was still sick.

When I say sick, I mean throwing up and bleeding. {Maybe a little TMI}.

Today we are almost 5 weeks post miscarriage, and I feel like shiz.  Paul woke up this morning, and said ENOUGH IS ENOUGH...go to the OBGYN today.  We were both sick of dealing with this.

I make numerous phone calls, and it is finally decided we would go in for an ultra sound...and then make a plan of action...D&C, a pill that helps, etc. The nurse gave me a bunch of scenarios, and I was hoping for none of them.

Even though both kids are sick, we all loaded in the car for the appointment...because Paul was afraid of bad news and me being alone.  {side note: can someone please give Paul a huge gold star!!}

I went by myself with the ultrasound tech to a small room, and after she asked me "What news do you not want to hear?"  and me saying "Um, I hope you tell me I am not pregnant, because that would be weird!"  She says "Well, I hope I give you the news you are hoping for!"

AND THEN THIS APPEARED ON THE SCREEN...

 AND THEN I CRIED LOUD ENOUGH PAUL CAME IN THE ROOM...and we found out that our baby is this...

And now together can we say...I am on a freakin' roller coaster of emotions!

ba-bye 2011...hellllo 2012

I decided last year I wanted to write a end of year/Christmas letter.  I had so much fun writing that crazy thing, I decided it should become a permanent fixture here on the blog.

I bring you my 2011 newsletter...

To my nearest and dearest...

Another year has come and gone. We are anxiously awaiting for this year to come to a close, and start a new beginning of fresh hope.  We hope that you had a fantastic year filled with lots of travel, accomplishments, and fun.

Let me fill you in on the past 12 months.

(Devin's claim to fame is being carried around Harmon's Grocery store by one of the owners) 

Devin (almost 2): Even though he is the baby of the family, he some how can make us do anything he wants.  He has learned lots of new tricks this year, but his all time favorite is farting during a diaper change.  He loves to keep Paul and I on our toes. He is our up-and-coming basketball star, pitcher, ninja, and acrobat. He has only sprained his ankle once, and surprisingly hasn't had stitches yet. We found out after a trip to Disneyland this year that Devin is not into the big dressed up characters, and he spent most of his time crying out in fear.

Savannah (7): Van has achieved the rank of a high green belt in Tae Kwon Do this year, but we still manage to make her cry if we look at her wrong. She is the ultimate big sister, and knows how to push all of Devin's buttons. Savannah hasn't figured out how to keep her bedroom clean, and insists on wearing the same tights to school until they can stand freely on their own. Van was able to live out a life long dream of hers when she met Sponge Bob at Universal Studios, and has talked non stop since about her ultimate crush. After many months of practice Savannah was also able to learn to ride her bike with no training wheels, and graduated from her first swimming class this past summer...can I hear a Hallelujah!!

Paul (33): Even though Paul has made numerous promises of NO MORE ARCADE GAMES, we have another one being delivered this week. He is still attending the movies every Saturday night when he can runaway, and is thrilled that the 49ers are finally good after a decade drought. When he is not watching movies or football, you can find Paul catching up on the latest trade rumors on ESPN.com or at a local bakery getting us all sweet treat.

Evonne (30):  This year I was able to cut back hours at The Dub to part time, but I still manage to complain just as much about working...and somehow still can't keep the house any cleaner. I was able to cross off another one of those pesky things on my bucket list when we took the kids whale watching in Southern California this past Summer. We didn't see a whale, but we all got sea sick to add to the excitement of the trip. I promised to get rid of my muffin top in 2011, but it proved to be a bit more challenging than anticipated...with an IUD, a pregnancy, a miscarriage, a Coke addiction, and Paul's bakery habits (and whatever else I can blame it on)...that thing just might be here to stay!

(my quick trip to Seattle to see my Sista, and see my BFF get married)

We also added a new family pet named Kevin...which I regret every day of my life for saying yes to.  He is a stinky guinea pig, and some how has managed to stay almost an entire year without accidentally being starved to death.

Thank you for being our friends, and for supporting us!  We love you all mucho.

Happy New Year!

Love,

Paul, Evonne, Savannah, and Devin

-->

hi von...welcome back.

If you couldn't tell by the last week of posts...I was kind of far behind in my blogging obligations. It was a nice distraction to "work" on my blog instead of trying to think of topics, take pictures, and write any sort of emotional feelings down.

I still can't believe we are days away from Christmas. This year has not felt traditional or normal. I didn't send out Christmas cards like all the other previous years, we have done little shopping, and I hardly decorated. I was starting to feel like I might not feel the magic of Christmas at all...maybe just spend the whole month going through the motions.

Today is the first day of Van's holiday break from school, and it was like POOF! everything seems right in my world...and I feel this overwhelming Christmas spirit. It is a definite sense of relief, but it also feels oh so good people!

This morning we all slept in. We had a fun breakfast play date. We came home and I taught the kids how to slide down the stairs in pillow cases. We made play doh animals, and then we baked some of our favorite treats...it was just what I needed to snap me out of this crazy.  Oh, and then I decided to make a grocery list of all those snack foods we are gonna need for our long weekend {CHEESEBALLS are on the menu!}.

So excuse me while I soak up this new found happiness.  I still have oodles of thank you notes to write, and I want to tell you about the awesome things our friends did for us while I have been recovering...you are not going to believe how creative and awesome my friends really are!

I will leave you with a token cute picture of my kids, because they really are freakin' awesome...

oral b rocks our world.

I got so excited when Mommy Parties selected me to throw one of their Oral B stage 1 partAYs!  You know why?!  Um, I quite possibly have the worst teeth on the planet, and I am determined to teach my kids to take care of their teeth...so they don't have to go through what I have!

Everything is more fun and exciting when you invite people to learn about it with you! Right!? Although I don't know if Devin really cared so much about the friends, he has always loved getting his teeth brushed.

I didn't worry as much about Van's teeth when she was little as I do Devin's.  Here is why...

Devin's teeth grew in super close together, I just know that germs are getting trapped in there...and flossing is crucial for him.

Savannah's teeth grew in extremely far apart...it was easy to make sure everything was out, and even easier for her to take care of her own teeth.  Although Savannah has already had 5 cavities, and it makes me sad that my kids might have inherited my horrid teeth.

So here is the question...

What have you done to make sure that your kids are remembering to brush their teeth?  Doing a good job at it?  AND are you faithful at going to the Dentist...even if you are like me and hate it! :)

***

PS If you want to see some really cute parties here are a couple of  my friends that did them too!  With the miscarriage, two car accidents, and the flu, among other things as well...my party was definitely not as cute and creative as my friends!

PPS Thank you to my friend for taking pictures for me.

Disclosure: Thank you Oral B, Mommy Parties, and MomSelect for sending me all the fun stuff to have a party with Devi's friends...and for the sweet gift bags that all of my friends were able to take home.

12 days of Christmas.

This year my Sista and I decided that we were going to do the 12 days of Christmas with each other for our kids. I got the odd days, she got the even.  We would call each other while shopping to make sure that we hadn't picked the same presents for the kids.  Even though we don't live in the same state, we are trying to make traditions with the cousins.

My list of presents for the days I had included play doh, ornaments, Christmas socks, coloring books with all the supplies, etc.

Our first day has come and gone, and it was so much fun.  Van fell in love with her new Santa Claus socks, and Devin got an awesome new Mr Potato Head from Uncle Hiram.

This is definitely a tradition that both my Sista and I have decided is a keeper, but next year...we are doing presents for each other. :)Mom's deserve 12 days of presents too!

a mcdonald's playdate {giveaway}

This giveaway is for Utah residents only.

If you didn't already know, I am addicted to McDonald's Coke. I have been for years.  Our highschool was right next to a McDonald's and I would go there for lunch and order a #2 combo...which was the 2 cheeseburger meal...now it is a #4.  Oh yes, I still order it 10+ years later.  Some habits never die.

The kids and I were invited to test out McDonald's new Happy Meal, and while the kids were busy eating...I took a tour of the kitchen to find out why their Coke is so addicting. The tour was completely fasinating, and gave me a new respect for those little worker bee's in the back. I had no idea how structured everything was, I don't think I could work under so much pressure. Kudo's to them.

{look at how cute Lindsey is being the attentive Mommy, I love it}

Not only did I find out the secret for making the BEST Coke ever, I found out my kids prefer the apples over the fries.  Who knew.

The new Happy Meal will now come with both a smaller serving a fries, and a small serving of apples. When I cracked open Devi's Happy Meal, he didn't even touch the fries...I mean I am not complaining, because I ate them all. :) Of course, Savannah polished off everything, and was hungry like 20 minutes later.  That is how we roll around here!

The secret to the best Coke ever...Coke services their machines. You know how most restaurants just hook up more "juice" when they run out...McDonald's doesn't.  Coke comes once a week, and maintains the machine.  Add to that they have chilled lines so your Coke is already cold when it hits your ice...we have got perfection up in here!

So, here is the really fun part!

One lucky reader will receive a McDonald's play date package!  It includes...

10 gift certificates for the New Happy Meal, 3 gift certificates for the Premium Salads, and 3 gift certificates for the Premium Chicken Sandwiches...take your lady friends to enjoy a Coke over lunch, while your kids play!!  Sounds like perfection to me.

This giveaway will close Thursday the 15th, Midnight. I will be sending an email to winner Friday. :)

PS Thank you to all my friends for letting me steal their pictures of this event! :)

Disclosure: I received free meals, a fun night out, and great convo's with my friends...but all opinions are my very own!

a deseret book wish list...{GIVEAWAY}

I will be honest and tell everyone right now...we actually don't make Christmas wish lists. Probably because one of my children is too little to tell me, and the other one is happy with whatever she gets {I realize this won't last forever!}.  More often than not I just go with what I think they will like, and it has worked.

N-e-ways.

Deseret Book asked me to make a wish list of stuff I would love off of their site. First of all, I didn't realize how much stuff they sell that is not religious! After browsing the entire site, most of what I put on my list was religious...but don't let my list fool you.

Since we don't do lists, I decided to let Savannah in on the fun, and we got a little carried away...and did one for Devi too!

 Devi's list includes...

1. I have wanted a picture of Christ in each of my children's room. The picture we chose for him is a Greg Olsen print by the name of "In His Light". Reminded me of my Devin.
2. Devin is obsessed with ties!!  I think it mostly has to do with Van wearing necklaces, and it his version of a necklace.  He will wear a tie with t shirts, and keep it on all day. I love it.
3. Do I need explain this...really that giraffe is just too cute for words.

 Van's list includes...

1. This goes back to what I said earlier.  The picture we chose for Savannah is also by Greg Olsen and it goes by the name of "I Feel My Savior's Love". After I decided on my pictures, I went back and decided I could have gone with a few different ones, and still be really happy.
2. Right now Van has the generic CTR ring that you get for a couple of bucks. I love how far the CTR rings have come, they have some really beautiful ones.
3. Last year Van got her very own scriptures, and we have yet to go and purchase her a special case for them. 
4. This year Savannah has been talking about getting baptized. I remember my baptism like it was yesterday, and how special my parents made it for me.  I received a coloring book, and another little book to jot down my thoughts...I wish I could find it now.  Excited to see what this year has in store for our girl.

My list..

1. I have been swooning over a really awesome temple picture for our house. We got married in the San Diego temple, and it is coming up on 13 years...aren't we due for a gorgeous temple picture!?  I think yes.
2. I collect Nativity sets. I have the start to the Willow Tree collection that my SIL Deanna gave me for Christmas, but I would love to add to it.
3. Of course, I need a new CTR ring too.  It has been 15 years since I have had one!
4. The last time I got scriptures was in 1988. You don't even want to see them...so trashed. I always laugh, because my Mom wrote in the front of it...and my parents were married.  So she signed it from the both of them. I barely have any memories of the two of them together, but those scriptures always give me that reminder. While I was typing this, I decided I wanted some of those scripture stickers too! :)
5. I actually don't mind my temple bag, because it was a homemade gift from a friend when I went through the temple the first time. My only complaint is it really bulky. I love these little purse like bags that aren't so awkward to carry.

Whoa, are you guys still with me!?  That ended up being a lot. :) 

Here is the good part!! Giveaway time...

Let me know what is on your Deseret Book wish list.

One of my lucky readers will be randomly selected to receive the item(s) off of their list ($100 in value). Awesome right!? 

If you would like an extra entry, go like Deseret Book on Facebook...come back and tell me in another comment!

Since we would love to have your prize to you before Christmas, the Giveaway will end Thursday the 15th, at Midnight...and winner will be emailed Friday morning!

Good luck. :)

Disclosure: Deseret Book compensated me for writing this post, but the wants and desires are all our very own.

having a girl like me.

I actually wrote this back on September 9th and for some reason didn't post it...

***

As far back as I can remember I was always known as the sensitive child.  I was brought to tears from teasing more times than I can count.  I would get embarrassed easily, and then proceed to cry.  I can't say that I have changed much in the sensitive department.  I can say that I don't cry as much, but Paul will disagree.  What can I say?  I have a sensitive soul.

Paul was the first person to really get my sensitivity...probably because he is sensitive too.  Paul has spent the last 13 or so years standing up for me, and trying to help people understand it too.  In the process Paul has taught me I can stand up for myself.  Sometimes I think he regrets teaching me to voice my opinion, because I have gotten too good at trash talkin'.  :)

So you know what happens when two really sensitive people have a daughter?  You get our sensitive Savannah.

Every day I realize that the reason why I am her Mom is because I do understand her.  I will protect her furiously just like Paul did and still does for me when I can't do it for myself. I will be here for Savannah when she doesn't get that phone call that she was hoping for, or when someone at school makes fun of her for not being able to do the monkey bars.

AND I am hoping more than anything Paul and I can teach Savannah that it is okay to stand up for yourself...and protect those little sensitive feelings.

***

Today: December 11, 2011
Savannah has definitely taken the miscarriage the hardest. The night I told Savannah about the baby being gone was one of the toughest things I have had to do. Her little heart broke.  If I could have a redo, it would definitely be that night...I would have worded things much different. I spent most of that night in her bed wiping her tears, and she wiped mine. So darn lucky that she is our little girl.

my bright pink package.

Everyone knows how I feel about Vanessa. She is that friend that stays with you through your child's first friend party to help, and that friend that gives you a baby gift early on in pregnancy to help you get excited for your new bundle. Vanessa is also that friend that offers to babysit, and emails you every day while she is on vacation in a far off land to check to make sure that you are doing okay.

Yeah, she is pretty much the bomb {dot} com.

When I got an email Wednesday morning saying...look for a package, I knew Vanessa was once again going to be the person that would be lifting my spirits.

She ordered us a dozen cupcakes from Georgetown Cupcakes {ya know the reality TV show DC Cupcakes on TLC...those cupcakes}!  Please tell me you already know about these guys!?  If not, get informed people.  I will never buy another cupcake in Utah again...they are THAT good.

Paul and I instantly opened the package and smelled them, and then we did what every mature adult would do...

We got our sharpie out and claimed our cupcakes {by marking on the plastic lid, of course}...making sure everyone knew which ones belonged to each of us!

I am just going to go ahead and say this...if you REALLY want to wow someone, and REALLY love someone, or REALLY want to treat yourself...buy these cupcakes. 

Thank you friend for introducing me to what a real cupcake should taste like. Those things were pure bliss. Not gonna lie, those things made my day a whole lot better.

Add another point in heaven for Vanessa...she deserves it

taylors.

When Paul and I were still newly weds {which was a long time ago} I was put in the Young Women's presidency.  I was not much older than the girls, and I kind of felt out of place amongst all the mature {NOT old} women that I served with.  Little did I know I would make a friend that would last a life time from that calling.

Nicole was an answer to my prayers back then, and has definitely been one recently. Soon after our bond began, Nicole moved from our ward. We promised to keep in touch, but haven't been great at it {I mean...there is always Facebook}.  I think we have randomly ran in to each other a few times, but never have planned any meetings.

Wednesday night there was a knock on our door. I was of course in my pj's so Paul went to get the door...can you imagine my surprise when he came to get me and said it was MY NICKI from 10 years ago! I instantly started to cry. I honestly could not believe that a friend from 10 years ago would look up my address, go buy me my favorite cookies {because she read it on my blog}, and come deliver them! Even as I type this, I am overcome with emotion. What an amazing gesture!

Our kids played while we caught up on the past ten years. Man, it was a good night.

Nicole made me realize that I want to be a better person...one who thinks of something like this, and follows through with it. I don't think she will ever comprehend just how much of an impact she made on me in my 20 somethings, and now she has definitely done it again in my 30 somethings!

Nicole...thank you! Really. Truly.

sam jo to the rescue.

The night of the miscarriage I had a hankering for these creamy cheese-E potatoes that my friend had posted on her blog. I had big plans to go to the grocery store after work, and buy heavy whipping cream...and make them that night, even if it was going to be Midnight. My plans obviously fell through. The next day was spent day dreaming of those darn potatoes. I decided we needed a home cooked meal, because that always makes you feel better. 

In the midst of all this day dreaming Sam Jo sent a text she wanted to visit. Man, it was so nice to see her. She helped {and when I say helped, she did it} get our meal cooked, we laughed about my dull knives, and she made sure everyone was set with a plate full of food.  Never have I needed to see a smiling face so much. Sam Jo was heaven sent Tuesday night.

I will be forever grateful for Sam Jo, and for making the long trek to my house to see us.  I realized what an amazing friend I have in her, and how much I have taken advantage of that.

Love you forever and always Sam.

oh my.

I lived in such a bubble before I had this miscarriage.

Who knew that I would still be throwing up, and nauseous after a week!?  Well, I guess my Midwife knew, but I didn't believe her...or at least I hoped I would be different. I still wake up and feel very much pregnant, except I am not. It is odd, really.

I have so many posts that I want to write, and yet all the words don't seem to do my emotions justice.

All I can do right now is try to dig out of this messy house I have let go the past two months, and trust me I didn't do much around these parts. Oh, and get ready for Santa to come, because it is like 19 days away according to Savannah.

too many thoughts.

I started writing a post, and realized it was more like a book than a post. So, I am going to have to split it up into multiple parts. Please bear with me.

I want to thank every single person that has commented on my blog or Facebook, sent me a simple text, emailed me, and called...or did all of the above.

It is sad that I had to go through something like this to realize how blessed I really am. I am in awe of the kindness that people have shown us. I hope that everyone that has gone through a hard time has felt what I have this past week.  My friends are amazing people, and I am proud that I have surrounded myself with such good people.

It has made me look at miscarriages in a whole new way, and I will strive to be a better person...and friend because of it. I will remember how good it felt to receive a simple I'm sorry, instead of nothing at all.

One of my favorite quotes someone sent me was this by Elder Wirthlin, and this is perfect for how I am feeling:

"The Lord compensates the faithful for every loss. That which is taken away from those who love the Lord will be added unto them in His own way. While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude."