glasses.

At the beginning of the school year they tested Savannah's vision. I didn't hear back that day, so I thought everything checked out. I knew that she had asked her teacher if she would move her to the front of the classroom, because she was having a hard time seeing. A few weeks later I got a letter in the mail telling me that she didn't pass the vision test. Bummer.

This was just another thing to add to our ever growing list of things to pay for, and I will admit I kind of put it off. Savannah has bugged me, and I finally made her an eye appointment. I kind of thought that she just wanted glasses, not because she needed them. 

When the eye doctor asked Savannah to read the biggest letters on the chart, and she couldn't...I felt that awesome Mom guilt. She is really blind. You better believe that is the one gene she got from me...blindness!

{These are the pair!}

We had fun trying on all of the cute frames, and Savannah was dead set on blue frames. We decided that Devin even looks adorable in frames, and is definitely a mini Paul.

She is really excited for them, and I think she can totally pull of any look...because she is just a beautiful little girl.

this is why.

{photo credit: Kim Orlandini Photography}

Sometimes I struggle with writing raw and real, and just writing our family highlights. I get that it can be annoying for some reading how wonderful life is, never seeing the other side of things.

The terrible 3's are in full swing over here, and can get pretty hairy. I still struggle with PPD, and even though life is pretty wonderful...it is hard to see it sometimes.

Over the weekend in between tantrums, and the flu, and crying...I did some thinking about this. I realized why I need to share the highlights more than the raw and real.

When I am in those dark moments, the moments that I feel I just may break. I need the highlights to pull me through. I need to be able to sit and write about happy thoughts, and remind myself that life is pretty amazing.

When I feel like I am failing, and I am making all the wrong decisions...I need to be able to remember I made that 3 year old happy at least one time in the day. I need to remember I took the time to rock our sweet baby, just because. I need to remember the small things that hopefully will add up to something.

So maybe it is annoying to read what appears to be the perfect life, but know...there is always more going on that is left unwritten.

don't judge.

Awhile back we were chatting with one of our neighbors. One topic lead to the next, and pretty soon they were telling us they were eating cereal for dinner.

I was like, whaaa. Nooo. Cereal is not dinner.

Paul and I talked about it after they left, how the heck does someone eat cereal as dinner!? Mind boggling.

Last night I poured myself a bowl of cereal for dinner. I asked the kids what they wanted for dinner, and they said they would have what I was having. Lucky charms for all, and for all a good night.

That will teach me to judge someone for eating cereal for dinner.

Never know when you just might be doing the same.

***

No post is complete without a picture, even if it has nothing to do with the post. You're welcome.

relationship.

As I was updating the blogs we have for our kids, I noticed something in all the pictures I have taken. Bina and Devin have built such a cute little relationship these months since she was born. We had very few hiccups with Devin becoming the big Brother instead of being the baby.

He begged to hold Bina, and still does...even though they are almost the same size.

He loves when I can rock both of them in the rocking chair. He is always the first in her room when she wakes up, and if I am not quick enough he sneaks in her crib to pick her up.

He thought it was funny when I did the diaper changing and pajama rituals together when she was tiny.

Bina thinks Devin is funny, but don't we all. 

Devin shares the best with her, and has taken it upon himself to share his food at all meals. I love that he gives her the tiniest bites ever, and if he isn't sitting close to her...he makes Paul pass the bite to her. Paul will say "this next bite is courtesy of Devin!".

He is extremely protective, and most times cautious. The other day Sabrina had gotten in to Devin's bowl of cereal, and when Devin tried to fish it out of her mouth...she took a bite of his finger. He was so worried about her eating something she wasn't suppose to.

Those first few months of getting a routine were hard, but just like with most things in my life...I can look back and smile. 

I wouldn't recommend having babies close in age, but I can see the advantage that these two have in their relationship because they are babies together. 

They are definitely lucky to have each other.

joy.

This weekend was pretty darn good.

I love when Savannah has a 3 day weekend.

After a week full of delivering Girl Scout cookies...I was really ready to play. We headed West to drop off more cookies, and have a play date. I know I have mentioned it before, but I really do have some of the best people in my life. 

I sat on Callee's couch, nursed Sabrina, and enjoyed a large Coke from Mickey D's...while our kids played. That Callee is the best company, I love that our conversation flows effortlessly.

The weather was beautiful, and I didn't want to waste it. I realized after this weekend why I long for Spring and Summer...my kids love playing outside. They went to bed without a fight, and got so much of their built up energy out. 

We had snow ball fights with the remaining pile of snow, Savannah wore flip flops, and we didn't wear jackets. It was lovely. I laughed as Paul tried to show me up in hop scotch, and Sabrina wiggled to get down to explore.

 

These are the times you wish you could just bottle up, and keep forever.  

trying.

I have been trying to find the positive in things, and trying to soak in all these moments of Motherhood. Sometimes it is easier said, then done. I look at our baby, and she is looking more and more like a little girl. Time goes by so quickly, and I already miss the day we brought her in to this world. Yes, this is all so cliché...I know.

Some nights long after I have nursed her back to sleep {again!}, I sit and rock. Sometimes I talk to her, even though she is snoring {and I love the snoring too}. Sometimes I inspect her chubby little fingers, and rub her soft chubby cheeks. I adore when she has an awesome case of bed head, or when her cheeks get nice and rosy from us being skin to skin.

I have gotten frustrated with her sleeping patterns, but in the quiet of the night when I give myself the chance to think...I realize she is my miracle. This baby girl we knew should be ours, we were lucky enough to get. I have relished these moments we get to share in the middle of the night more lately.

The other night Bina just needed me to hold her, tell her I loved her, and put her back to bed. When I crawled back to bed Paul said this...and it stuck.

"Doesn't it feel good to know that someone needs you so much they can't even go an entire night without you."

How can you be mad at that sweet thing when you look at it this way?

my success.

It's Friday. We made it.

I have done a lot of thinking this week. It has lead me to do a lot of writing, and yet I still didn't come up with a complete post. Eh, what do you do.

Our little Bina baby doesn't sleep through the night. At this point I am thinking she may not figure it out for a very long time. I am tired, I get grouchy when I don't get my sleep, and I tend to lose all motivation.

One late-night feeding I started thinking about how people measure their success? Is it how much they workout? Is it how skinny they are? Is it how clean their house is? I am realizing I need to start measuring my success by all the small things. If I do it this way, I don't feel like such a failure.

My successful week...

I worked out 1 of the 5 days this week.
I cooked 2 out of the 5 days this week.

I had a play date with my friend Jerilee, and loved it.
I didn't start every day with a Coke, but can't remember how many days.
I gave the kids haircuts, and they don't look awful.

The kids cleaned their bedroom, even if I did have to go in the garbage bag.
I didn't eat the entire bag of candy in one day. Holla.
We took the kids to the Library, and it was fun.
We were productive with our tax return, instead of going on the vacation we are dreaming of.

I followed through when I had those little promptings I sometimes get.
The kids played in a fort I built for an entire afternoon without fighting.

It might not be what someone else thinks is success, but it is my success.

How do you measure your success?