so I remember

{I feel like a post is not complete without pictures. These are some of my favorite images that my friend Kim Orlandini of Kim Orlandini Photography took!}

Cathy told me I should stand up in Sacrament meeting and bear my testimony about my humbling experience yesterday. When I gave her a big fat swear word in return, I decided I would write it down here. Much easier for me, and not so embarrassing for Paul.

I feel like I should preface this with, I am not perfect. I get a little uncomfortable talking about religion, and making people feel like I am better because of one reason or another. I have a lot to work on. I also don't care what religion you belong to or don't belong to. Okay!? Now I can start.

I always have struggled to fit in at church, where in most other situations I am just fine. I have a deep feeling of inadequacy when surrounded by people who know a lot about my religion and scriptures, and I do not.

After Devin got to that stage of not being content to just sit, but also not being able to go to nursery I struggled to want to go to church. Knowing it was going to be 3 hours of torture, and I knew I wouldn't get anything spiritual out of chasing my kid around. Well, here I am again at that stage with Sabrina. Struggling. Wondering why I go to church, and when will it not feel like such an awful chore.

Do you ever feel like it doesn't matter how much good you do, or how many "right" choices you make...you still end up with lots of challenges?  Maybe it is just us, we must have a lot to learn. We have lots of hard things come our way, making us have to rely on each other a lot. When most people could or would call their parents/siblings for help, we don't have those kind of options. Not wanting to bother our friends, we make do with the 5 of us a lot.

Yesterday while Paul was working, our basement flooded from our water heater. I had no idea how to shut off the water, and quickly asked anyone on Facebook if they knew. My friends are smart, and I got it handled. Brandie was a gem, and brought over an extra shop vac so Paul and I could get to work sucking up water. She offered to stay and help, but I figured with both of Paul and I with shop vac's it would go quick.

Little did I know, Paul had to go back to work pretty quickly after the repair man came...and we didn't make much progress with the water. Without Paul I don't handle stress very well. I walked away from the basement, and decided the water would still be waiting for me whenever I could get up the energy.

I was frustrated that our bad luck never seems to end, and just when we make headway...we have another bill. I was having the best kind of pitty party. I was in bed, ignoring my kids, and bawling...Paul would not have let this happen if he were home. Not my finer moments, I told my kids I wanted to run away.

I started to say a prayer, wondering if these things ever get answered. I didn't feel like my Heavenly Father was listening, or cared. I remember saying "I am alone, I need help, and you never send it when I need it!" Not 10 minutes later I got a text from Cathy..."I am on my way. Are you home?"

I brushed my stinky self off, apologized to my kids, gave them big hugs, and went on my way. I decided to start boiling water so Sabrina could have a bath in the sink, and we could wait for Cathy to help me carry up the buckets of water. While I stood in my kitchen, I heard a knock on the door. Thinking it was Cathy, Devin ran to answer the door...and he yelled "It's Jerwiwee, Mommy!" Savannah and I both tried to correct him, but sure enough when I went to the door, Hali {Jerilee's daughter} was standing with a soda and a bag of candy for us. 

As Cathy and I sucked up water, we started talking about how many times I have said to someone "Let me know if I can help." and people have said it to me. Knowing I really need help, but don't know if they are being serious or not. I think most people have a hard time asking for help, including myself. She is a wise woman, and quoted this talk...

"If you come upon a person who is drowning, would you ask if they need help—or would it be better to just jump in and save them from the deepening waters? The offer, while well meaning and often given, “Let me know if I can help” is really no help at all." Elder Ronald A. Rasband

I was indeed humbled by this experience, and that simple prayer for help was answered. My Heavenly Father did hear me, and sent me help when I probably didn't deserve it. I am a changed person today, because of those few women who came to rescue me when I was drowning yesterday. I hope the next time someone is struggling, I will be the first one to jump in to save them.

I feel like I need to end this with a big ol' AMEN.