We were just babies back in 1999 when we decided to get married, I was still in high school for hell's sake! I don't think either of us knew what we were getting ourselves into, but we did know what we were getting ourselves out of. Paul and I have both gone through moments of not knowing if we really made the right decision to get married. It sounds scary to some to say that out loud, like if you just think it somehow that doesn't make those feelings real.
At 18 I had an unrealistic expectation of what marriage would look like, and what real relationships look like. I didn't know how to communicate my feelings properly to anyone, let alone my new husband. It made for a lot of hard feelings and hurtful years. I was so unsure of myself, and definitely not ready to be in a long-term relationship. It is still wild to me that at 18 I thought, yup, this guy is gonna be the one for eternity.
We no longer sweep feelings under the rug, we say those feelings out into the universe and to each other, no matter how hard they are to sometimes admit. We are honest about where we stand in our relationship with ourselves and others. We are best friends who still have disagreements and don't always see eye to eye. We no longer sugar coat things to make others feel a certain way.
When I asked Paul if we should renew our vows on a beach somewhere for our 25th, he said this "Every day we are married we are renewing our vows, in my opinion." It struck me hard, and felt so true! Every day we are waking up and commiting to one more day, trying a little harder than the day before, and showing up for each other in different ways.
Happy Anniversary Paul! Thanks for the roller coaster that is our life. I never have liked anything boring, so this life we have created makes sense.
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