life in your 40's...

I turned 40, and was not prepared for what happens after. 

{cute friend on Instagram {@balloonbabesofslc} made this balloon art}

It is mostly good, but man is it a mind f***. You are sorta-kinda at the half way point of life, and you think you have it mostly figured out. Everything feels pretty good. You look around and can appreciate your 4 beautiful kids, a stay at home gig, a supportive husband, the big house, the nice car, you get it. BUT what if? Is this as good as it gets?

You decide to leave that church that never felt right. You reconnect with your Dad you haven't spoke to in 15 years. You start working. You get tattoos. Solo trips to places you have never been. You stop sharing a bedroom with your husband. It all feels good and right, but what if? Is this as good as it gets? 

You start making choices that you know are right for you, even at a risk of losing people. You start loving yourself a little more than you did before, because you are living more authentic. You start celebrating more, and maybe go a little overboard. You start wearing those obnoxiously big earrings and crazy colored clothes,  because it makes you happy. You deep dive emotionally in to every decision you ever made, and wonder if it was the right one. You set boundaries, and people get uncomfortable.

***

I think the biggest things I have learned so far in my 40's are...

It is okay to change your mind!

It is okay to not fit in.

People can change, if they want to...but it is hard! People can also not want to change, and that is also hard.

Relationships are a 2 way street, you can't will a relationship the other person doesn't want to contribute to.

An apology is never wasted.

It always feels good to hear that your parents are proud of you, and love you.

You realize your life can look like whatever you want it to, and you definitely don't need the same thing as your neighbor, friend, sister, cousin!

Just because my choices look different from yours, we can still be wildly supportive of one another.

***

I don't know what the rest of my 40's will look like, I am still optimistic it will be the best decade of my life. I have never felt more alive, and yet so scared. I have never felt so sure of the path I am on, and yet so nervous. Is this as good as it gets? I guess I am about the find out.