no baby yet.

we are still waiting.

not so patiently.

everything is ready.

i'm still crazy.

our big day is coming soon, I know.

depressed.

I would consider myself an extremely happy person.

I am sensitive, and I cry...but still I tend to have a positive attitude.
I am not myself right now.
I read through my posts this past week,
and although they are all how I feel...I don't like it.
I like being a positive, upbeat person.
I don't like negativity, especially out of my own person.

I've decided I can't update my blog anymore.
I need to take a break before Vin comes.
I joke about how I might be going crazy,
but right now I feel like I have already gone crazy.
Really.

On that note.
I love all ya'll.
Thank you for the e-mails, comments, and phone calls to make sure that I'm holding up. I am...barely...but I am holding up. Paul tells me I'm a broken record right now, I couldn't agree more with that statement...so I should just stop talking/blogging/updating...

I appreciate your support and love.
Say a prayer for Vin, if you believe in that sort of thing...he needs to stop being comfortable, and I need to have myself back!

sidenote: if you wonder if I have tried to get him out...oh, you have no idea!
brisk walks, jumping jacks, bike rides, fresh pineapple, spicy food, and the other things we all know...I tried those too...nothin'.

I did learn a thing or two.

The closer we get to the end...the more all this baby mumbo jumbo is coming back to me. I guess it is like riding a bike, eh? This is mostly a good thing. The swollen ankles have appeared, the frequent trips to the restroom, the nursery decorating, the list of things we still need, and all the cleaning I feel has to be done pronto.

I have made very different decisions this time around, not only in the things I deem very important to purchase, but the aftermath plans as well. This doesn't mean that I haven't splurged on way overly priced socks that I just couldn't pass up...I'm talkin' $6 a pair, Vin still deserves to be spoiled, right?

In the 24 hours after Van was born, I was so overwhelmed with the drama that surrounded me, I forgot to completely enjoy her. I have promised myself that I will enjoy Vin from the moment he enters this world, and there will be not one drop of drama...because frankly, I won't allow it. If this means I'm not able to update my blog, facebook, twitter, etc., and no one knows he is here...thats just the way it is. I waited a long time to have my sweet Van, and I have waited just as long for my sweet baby boy...nothing and no one is going to spoil it. Do ya feel me (said like Akon)?

Casual Blogger Conference aka CBC

If you have been around blog land in the last few months you may have heard the buzz about the Casual Blogger Conference being held in Sandy, Utah. I am always so jealous when people get to attend these awesome blogging conferences like BlogHer being held in New York City this year, or Mom 2.0 that was held just this past month. I really am a) just too chicken to travel by myself and b) I have never been away from Paul and Van for any significant amount of time. Soooo you can imagine how excited I am that this one is being held within minutes from my house...no long distance travel required, no over night stays without my family, and the same goodness will be at this blogging conference as all the others I have dreamed of going to. Thrilling, right?
Now I just need to come up with a poss-E to come with me so I don't feel like I loser. So, who is with me??

Click on this cute lil' button to find out about all the details, and to buy your ticket to be by my side. -k-?!

wordless wednesday: my alice in wonderland aka my niece

the positive.

As much as I talk about not liking being pregnant, I decided I needed to start making a list of things that I will actually miss. I struggle daily with different things, but I feel truly blessed to be able to bring our sweet boy to this world. I really do.

So with that being said...my list...even though it is kinda short! :P

• I won't be able to take Vin to work with me.
• I will have to share Vin with everyone when he makes his arrival.
• I know how fast a baby becomes a toddler, a toddler become a child...and so on. It makes me sad that as soon as I'm not pregnant that process starts.
• I don't have to change diapers while he is safe and sound in my belly. =)
• I will have to add an extra 10 minutes to getting in and out of the car.
• I hardly ever have to shave my legs. The hair just stopped growing during this pregnancy. An unexpected surprise that I love.
• Do I even have to mention the uh hem...ya know, Aunt Flow??

it's my time by fabolous

The songs that my friends chose to put on the mixed tape were perfect. I have literally been listening to my mixed tape since the shower ended. Van has her favorites, and those have been played more times than I can count. Paul and I love rap...gasp...yep, I just admitted to it. When Sam Jo's pick came on, I instantly thought of the day Paul and I made it one of our songs. I couldn't believe that Sam would remember me telling her about how important this song is to us.

This pregnancy (along with the previous year, before Vin was safely in my belly) reminds me a lot of this song as well. I have always made a lot of choices because it would make someone else happy. In the past 18 or so months I have made a lot of choices because it is exactly what will make me happy...and, as selfish as that makes me, I'm okay with it. I have lived a life of making everyone else happy, and at 28...I have chosen to make me a top priority. I'm just as important as the rest.

I asked Paul just today if I should feel bad, because there is something that I didn't do. I can't tell you his exact response but it was something along these lines... "No you should not, it was your thing, and about you!" Yet another reason why I adore that man!


I have learned that when you put yourself and your family first, you sometimes hurt the feelings of others. This is never my intention. I don't know if its intentional or not (I hope not) but sometimes people hurt my feelings too...I think this is one of those crazy dilemma's in life. My decisions will not please everyone and I will not always be happy with the decisions of others...its unavoidable. I can only chalk it up to "that's the way life is" and do what I think is best for me and my family.