"Enjoy that 149 pound self! You look smokin' hott, and those size 12 pants...ain't so bad either!"
(Paul's favorite picture of me)
Two weeks ago, I hit the lowest of lows. It is always depressing to see pictures of yourself, and realize then how out of control your weight actually has gotten. I came home from work, and just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry...and I may have done just that. Good thing Paul was there to say all the right things, even though I didn't believe him, I needed it.
I have felt like a broken record for most of my life, always complaining about my weight...never actually doing anything about it, or falling off the wagon soon after starting the journey.
It took me until the age of 29 to realize...Eating food is a temporary happiness. To say that I have been a little emotional the past two weeks would be an understatement. I think Paul has wanted to just tell me to drink a Coke already (since I haven't had any carbonation in two weeks) and have a big cheeseburger. =) It is like a bad break up, but with food. I broke up with Coke, I broke up with eating late at night, I have broken up with In-n-Out...I feel like I have lost a piece of me. As pathetic as this is sounding, it is true.
Of course I wanted to see my waistline lose inches in days, and it hasn't done that. I always lose weight in all the "wrong" spots...like my wrists, ear lobes, and toes.
I'm joking.
I usually lose in my jaw line first and then my *uhem* boobs...which Paul says he can see a difference already. I wouldn't know if I had actually lost any weight, because one morning this last week I got mad at the scale...and it promptly got thrown away.
(whoa, look at that jaw line...)
I won't give up this time. I won't. I can't.
So as they say on Biggest Loser...The next time you see me blog-o-sphere, I will be 50 pounds lighter!
27 comments:
I believe in you! You can always make the temporary move to the Diet stuff.
Evonne you are beautiful, no matter what weight you are at. You are loving, no matter what pant size you wear. You are funny, no matter what number that stupid scale says back to you.
I love you for you! And I'm proud of you no matter what. (And I lose from my boobs too, even though I have practically none to begin with. Life is so strange).
Good thing I don't lose from my boobs. There's nothing there to spare. I hope you can do what you need to be happy!
I love you. LOTS and lots and lots. I know this feeling. It is so so so hard. Hard to remember that it didn't take a week to put on, and it may take as many weeks to take off as it did to put it on. It is hard when there are seemingly quick fixes. You can do this. WE can do this.
I love you and I am here for you.
xoxo
I lost all my weight in my chest first... it's great :P.
You are awesome and so strong! You've got this. I still haven't figured out how to cut the tie with carbonation... it may never happen.
you are doing great. seriously...i say this all the time, but i wish we lived closer! i would soooo work out with you!
You can do it Von! I'm on it too, if you are looking for a program, weight watchers is always a great option. I have a good 20 lbs I'm gworking on too so you're not alone!
you go girl. you inspire me. i've tried to break up with coke for um, 4 years now? (that sounds like i'm a drug addict)
in and out will be my mistress forever.
go team. let me know if i can help.
Losing weight is a slow process, just like putting it on wasn't done in a few days. And it needs to be taken slowly. The only way I have succeeded is to do one thing at a time (otherwise I got overwhelmed and quit). And I don't think I saw major results for a few months. But hang in there, you can do it!!!!
All that matters is that you keep climbing, and that, you are. So proud of you.
love you forever.
Evonne, you are a rock star and rock stars can do just about anything they want. The fact that you've broken up with carbonation has me wowed already. I can't wait to see what other fabulous things you do. Chiseled jawline, here we come!
I can totally relate! I know the feeling of just being so depressed...that you wanna go eat a bunch of junk food and then cry about it! You can totally get out of this rut, though. Just be patient, and keep it at it, because it takes time. And think "baby steps." That's what I did. First, my goal was to exercise 3 x's a week, then 5, then 6...then twice a day. Same with eating...first I switched lunch...a week later switched what I ate for breakfast, etc. Good luck! If I can lose 50 lbs, so can you! :)
I always thought and still think you are very beautiful!!
I'm laughing about your fight with the scale and how your worded it. Funny!
But dear miss Evonne, you are beautiful, so stop being so hard on yourself!
When I am at the weight I am spsd to be I am a size A cup :( Who wants that? Ok actually I do I am lying
You go girl!!! I believe in you. I need to do the same. Someone once told me... nothing taste as good as being skinny. now if I could repeat that to myself a trillion times a day.. love ya. Call me if you need to talk to someone.
You can do it!
You can do it! So proud of you! You are so beautiful!!
I loved seeing you on Sat at Zumba. I hope to see you more often. It helps when you have a bunch of cheerleaders in your corner.
Rah, rah, rah, go Von!!!! You can do it!!!
I believe in you! And though I do think you are gorgeous as you are, you gotta do what it takes to make yourself happy. I'll be here to cheer you on anytime you need it!
Von,
I know we only know each other through the blog-o-sphere (as you say) but reading this just broke my heart in two!! Why? Because I find you to be one of the most beautiful, intelligent and funny women I know and your despair makes me sad.
Von, I am in your same position and I understand how hard it is. My brain has been ready to lose the extra 60 pounds I'm hauling around but I can't seem to get my body to go along with it. I can't motivate myself to go to the gym, eat healthier, quit Coke, etc even though I am miserable and quite frankly, hate myself.
Just know that in addition to your family you have a whole circle of blog friends who love and care about you and will support you along the way!
HARDEST THING EVER! I have done so many hard things but this one SUCKS. I get exactly what you are saying. Maybe you could start some sort of "online weighloss" club. I would join. :) The money you make could buy you a new scale!
My Sister tried to tell me the other day that if I could give birth without an epidural, then surely I could find the strength inside myself to stop my emotional eating problems. I had to laugh because SERIOUSLY....birthing a child (the temporary pain) is nothing compared to losing 60lbs. 60lbs is torturous, it's never-ending, it's this constant nagging that goes on forever and ever and ever...It's a constant struggle to not grab for that temporary food fix, a struggle that I'm afraid I will have my whole life...
I'll be working on losing my marbles with you girl (you'll have to read that on my blog to understand that). WE CAN DO IT!!
I feel your pain sister!!! I have battled forever. The thing I hate about myself, is that I will do really well all week long and then the weekend comes and I blow it. I workout like a dog and the scale stays the same.
I am thinking of getting my mouth wired shut. That is my next venture.
I'm so with you.... I'm only 4 pounds lighter than the day I had Andrew, with a baby in my belly... I started a new diet today, but I'm trying not to think of it as a diet, all the same ole stuff.. "Its a lifestyle change", "Nothing taste as good as thin feels", "exercise gives you energy", etc. etc. etc.
I wish we lived closer so we could help each other, love you, I know WE can do it...
um, you should totally come do the Dirty Girl run with us, by the way. 4 months to prepare- it will be so fun :)
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