This debate goes on in my head daily. Should I or should I not stay at home? While raising Van I always thought to myself that I am a much better Mom because I do work. Just when my patience was/is running out Paul swoops in and takes over while I go and have "me time" at work.Not only does Van have a strong relationship and bond with Paul, she likes her one-on-one time with each of us.
Now that she is turning 5 we have a definite system. She will only wake me up in the middle of the night, and in the morning. Van will only ask me to turn her cartoons on, and get her pancakes with dip. In the morning I am always in charge of entertainment, baths (if needed), doing her hair, and picking out her clothes.
While in the afternoon Daddy is in charge of Tae Kwon Do lessons, dinner, entertainment, and most likely he will give Van FREE reign of her clothes selection. *gasp*
Our system goes without thinking. You don't notice our different roles until Saturday night when we both go to pick Van up from the babysitter after a hott date, and she is less than thrilled to see me...and jumps in to her Daddy's arms. She was ecstatic to see him. Paul had to remind me it was only because it was during "his time". True dat.
With school right around the corner for Van, and a new baby being added, our family dynamic will be changing. I think that it would be an understatement to say that we don't do well to change. None of us. Obviously we will have lots of it in the next year. The question is should we make that next jump of me being a stay at home Mom, or should we not spoil a good thing?
16 comments:
that is definitely a tough call... I'm not a mommy, so I can't shed any insight to this discussion... but I would think that it might be fun to be a stay at home mommy with a new baby, and help Van transition into kindergarten and everything... but routines are HUGE in early childhood, so maybe what you have going is a good thing, especially where you and Paul are always able to be home with the children so they have one of their parents there with them.... interesting thought... wish I could help!
I have always thought that I would want to work at least part time when I have kids. But who knows how I will actually feel when I have my own kids.'
Tough decision.
That's a hard one. Changing things up is always hard. But you'll find the way. It'll come.
If you have an opportunity to stay home, do so! Even when your kids get older, they NEED you to be available at any time. I worked when my kiddos were babies until my oldest was in 4th grade. I then went part time, which was easier, but my 'working' expenses were the same (travel, clothes, eating out). I really didn't like the idea of someone else 'raising' my kids.
My new "job" is a stay at home mom and I'm more efficient, happier and save my family buttloads of money.
But...that being said, you need to do what makes YOU happy. In turn, you will make your family happy.
I love being home with my kids. I have never wished I could go back to work. My mom always liked having some sort if job though. It is so a personal preference! I have an awesome man who lets me do anything I want after he gets home- so it works :).
I figure there is a season for everything. Sometimes life flows a little easier than others. Good luck with a tough decision!
If it were me, I'd want to stay home. Coming from someone who has had to send both kids to daycare during the day (since they were 2 months old!), I wish I could have spent that time with them especially in their early age! But that's me. You're lucky to be in a situation where your husband helps out.
It's all dependent on you and what you feel is best for your family! Don't listen to the people that say you aren't a good mom if you work - if that's what is best for your family, keep doing it. Personally, I think I would want to stay home for the first couple of years and then work at least part time after that. Or just keep working from home like I do now.
Brian and I used to do a trade off system with the boys. I think it was more difficult on us then it was on them. When they started school and I worked days it was wonderful for us all. Now I work at home and wouldn't have it any other way.
It is a hard decision to make. But you will figure out what works best for you and your adorable family.
I've known a lot of people that worked after one baby but stayed home after two. It just gets more complicated to give everyone what they need when there are more people involved and something has to give. It's often the job.
I'd use your maternity leave as a trial run to see how you think you'd like it. I understand the whole "running out of patience" thing! We have one child and I work at home while he goes to preschool and/or a sitter half the day. It works on all fronts.
I have been both stay-at-home mom and part-time worker. I loved getting a break from the kids on those crazy Momma days but hands down I love being home with my boys more than anything! Maybe I'm a little selfish but since they won't be little forever I just want every second with them now.
Being home with the boys again has been quite an adjustment but it has really helped me to rediscover myself and begin to develop talents that I otherwise wouldn't have time for working.
I think you should allow your maternity leave to be your test run also. It's my opinion that you either love being a stay-at-home or you hate it. And there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with working, it's seriously just a personal choice.
I think when all my kids are in school I would definitely love to have a part-time job again while they are in school.
Being a stay at home mom is great but is not without it's challenges. You still need "me" time but that doesn't have to be work and can be more fun! And you still need individual time with parents. Eric usually takes the kids somewhere at least once a week, just him, to give me a break and have special bonding time. Of course there are other things too....it's a hard call but you just need to do what works best for you. I could NEVER be a working mom because it would kill me to put my kids in daycare (my personal opinion) but you kinda have the best of both worlds as far as that goes. I don't know how working moms get things done when they are gone all day! I guess I'm not organized enough!!! You'll figure it out...and it's not like your decision has to be set in stone. If you don't like what you choose you can always change your mind! Good luck!!! BTW...I still think you are having a boy and I am eerily right about these things! :)
Being a stay at home mom is great but is not without it's challenges. You still need "me" time but that doesn't have to be work and can be more fun! And you still need individual time with parents. Eric usually takes the kids somewhere at least once a week, just him, to give me a break and have special bonding time. Of course there are other things too....it's a hard call but you just need to do what works best for you. I could NEVER be a working mom because it would kill me to put my kids in daycare (my personal opinion) but you kinda have the best of both worlds as far as that goes. I don't know how working moms get things done when they are gone all day! I guess I'm not organized enough!!! You'll figure it out...and it's not like your decision has to be set in stone. If you don't like what you choose you can always change your mind! Good luck!!! BTW...I still think you are having a boy and I am eerily right about these things! :)
Because you work with my hubby, I won't tell you ALL of my thoughts on this subject. I do wish so badly I could stay home with my kiddos. I am happy for the fact I just work part time. I would also say, however, that the more you are home, the more (unintentional I'm sure) is expected of you as a parent/spouse. Everything becomes less of a mutual responsibility.
What great friends and advice they have given you thus far! The one thing that sticks out in my mind is the "$" factor,not asking you to reveal your income but you know it is a big factor and with the way things are going in this world-I guess what I am saying is don't put a big strain on your family if they are currently surviving on your income that you bring into your household-thought- you have plenty of time so try living off of just the hubbies income and see how that works and this may help you with a big portion of your decision but all in all-as you know we are told to make sure we are there at the crossroads of life for our children but this doesn't mean just the mother so with the two of you's you can work out a system that will continue to work for your family.Change is all around us and is doable!You can do this!
Good luck-And of course don't forget to pray!Love ya!-ooxoo Me
P.S I have been a domestic goddess for 14 yrs. and still love'in it!(most days!lol!)
I am a better mom because I work. I really think it is up to you and what works best in your family...then don't let anyone make you feel guilty about your decision.
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