I don't really talk about religion on my blog. It is a part of my life, but it is a part of my life I have chosen not to really share...which is just a totally different topic all together.
Before sharing anything, I believe in The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints.
This doesn't mean that I don't struggle, and lately it is a lot.
Usually I can pin point exactly why. This time...not so much.
I know it is hard to go to church because Vin is a crazy man. Either Paul or I end up in the hallway for all three hours. All I can think of while I walk up and down the hallway is how much I am not learning, and how much I could be accomplishing if I were home.
I use to be in charge of teaching the 5-6 year olds. Although I felt like I learned something from teaching them...even if it was just patience...I was going every week. Well, now the only people in the neighborhood I know are the 5-6 year olds.
I definitely don't put myself out there enough for people to really get to know me in the ward (hi neighbors), but after years of teaching the little kids...I am SO out of the loop. Where do I even begin?
I could go to Relief Society activities if they weren't week nights when I would be working until 10 PM. Gah.
Okay...so...whatever religion you are...I need advice. Please.
How am I gonna fix this?
17 comments:
Obviously, I got nothing. :)
I am so glad you posted this. I feel like this every three months like clock work. My husband never does,
I was sure I was alone in this.
The only advice I have? Go for the kids. Sometimes that is the only reason I am there and then all of a sudden I want to be there. Well at least for a couple months.
Good luck. This is very hard.
Oh, I can relate, my friend. I go through ups and downs too. I think we all do.
I have been in a branch in the last 5 years. It was a ward for the first year we lived here. And man, it has been tough. We don't do traditional ward things. People move in and out so much, and because of my work schedule and not being able to attend activities, I just don't feel I have a place here.
But I also have realized that I don't make nearly the effort I should as well, so much of the blame falls on me.
I feel the same way with Sagan. It is pointless for me to be there for 3 hours while I chase him up and down the hall while he screams bloody murder. You are not alone on this thought. However... I will say that it has been better since he has been in nursery. ( except that I am the nursery leader)
I never felt this way until I was put in Primary. It's a black hole. It's impossible to get to know anyone in the ward when you're chasing after other people's children for 2 hours. Even when the parents come pick up the kids, you don't get a chance to chat. I get seriously depressed sometimes. I know the gospel is true but going to church can be so hard when you have that calling.
But I am much happier when I have friends in the ward, so I try to get out there. Our ward has a playgroup and a book club that I go to. That helps a ton. And Relief Society activities really do help when I have the chance to go so I try really hard to make it to them. And then, we make sure to sit in the pews, not the chairs at the back. We talk to the people who sit in front and in back of us and we've made some good friends that way.
I also keep think visiting teaching
will help me, but I never get around to it. I'll let you know if it does help once I ever do it!
You could also talk to the parents of the 5 and 6 year olds you know. AT least you have something in common with them to start a conversation- their kids!
Good luck and let me know if you stumble on a good solution because I'm struggling here too!
First of all, it's not pointless - it's discipline. Second of all, it's far easier said than done. Third of all, I average once a quarter attendance (my kids go every week).
I don't remember where I read it, but someone once called it Third Sunday Syndrome (once you miss the third Sunday in a row, it's so much harder to make the next one).
I have been thinking about this all morning. Those months between 12 and 18 months are the absolute hardest.
Honestly, start praying. I have been right where you are and that was the only thing that made a difference at all. And it will get better. In the grand scheme of things, 6 months isn't that long, and you will get to go to RS all by yourself.
I left half of an hour early today because I just couldn't do it anymore.
It's so hard. Most days I wonder why I even go.
Then I think about the temple and the feelings that I feel each time I am there (I'm shocked I can even remember that long ago, but that's another story). And how the spirit is abundant in my life during each perfect moment. I remember those times when the spirit testifies to me and I want to do everything the right way in my life if only for that mere instant.
It's at that point I realize that I don't want to lose those little intimate moments where the Holy Ghost accompanies me.
That is what gets me there every week.
(please remind me of this next Sunday)
Now if only I could find my place in the ward. That is the most difficult part for me.
love you.
I feel ya girl! I've had this struggle with all of my kids and am going through it right now, especially since I'm there without Mark half the time (when I decide to go by myself haha) because of his work schedule. Once they are in nursery they just get sick every other week so it seems like a never-ending struggle. I feel like people judge me for it in the Ward, but I know that my heart is always in the right place and we all handle struggles differently, so I try not to let it get to me.
Last week before church I prayed about it because I really want to get to know people, and then the First Counselor in the Bishopric stopped me in the hall & assigned me to talk in church next week. (Go figure!)
The last couple weeks I've been sitting next to other ladies with babies in Relief Society because I knew I had something in common with them to talk about. I really think it's helped.
Just keep doing your best! I always try to remember that at the end of a big struggle comes something worthwhile. Whether it's down the road when your kids have a solid foundation and stay on the right path because of your consistency in going to church, or something else, it will be worth it!
I think Mrs. Organic has something with that third-Sunday rule. I swear it's true! Now that my youngest is 3, I find it easier--thought not necessarily easy because Sacrament meeting is last for us and the little ones are NUTS by then--to make it through and enjoy church. But I swear the age of 12 to 18 months is THE WORST for church. But I went due to the obedience thing.
And I would ask for a different calling if you really are looking to feel more involved in your ward. When we were first married they put us in Primary and I didn't know a soul! I think that's the last place (and nursery) they should put people new to the ward. Maybe a calling so you could attend Relief Society would be a good one. You'd get to know the parents rather than the kids.
I hate to say "hang in there," but often that's all you can do.
I'm SO with you!! Yesterday was the first Sunday in a LONG time that I didn't feel like it was a death sentence... I think its having a little one, its just SO hard. But doing it for the kids so they know that that's what we do on Sunday. I find the mother's room is a good place to meet other mama's in the same boat...
Not to repeat everything that has been said, you aren't alone. I struggle all of the time, I find myself skipping Sacrament and going straight to teaching Primary. The last few weeks my girls have been sad that we have missed Sacrament, why? I wonder, do they even have a clue as to what is going on? All they do is sit there and color and eat snacks but I have found myself thinking that is maybe all they need right now, a time to be in church together as a family, enjoying "quiet" time and feeling the spirit so I would agree with the comment to go for the kids.
Thankfully our ward does have some great mommy & me things, playdates and crafts in the summer so your evening work schedule may work to your advantage there, they are things that I wish I could do but don't because I can't. As for evening activities, I agree that I could put more of myself out there but I just don't want to.
Personally, I felt burned by a few ladies in our ward a few years ago and I have been holding a huge grudge and judging all other women in the ward similarily, being untrusting which I know is so absurd but I just can't help it but there are some great woman in our ward and sometimes you just need to step out of your comfort zone, although I know that it is hard.
I have been thinking about you all night. Even with older kids and a Sunday calling I find myself feeling this way periodically. This may just be a broken record but, hang in there. On the days it seems the hardest, sometimes those are the ones that you might need to be there. And, if you aren't able to go for yourself, at least go for the kids. And, you never know, one of these times, you may be the one helping someone else through their struggles. In the end, it needs to come from within, and sometimes you just gotta "fake it til you make it!" Your in my thoughts and just remember that you are not alone in this feeling.
Do your visiting teaching love bug :)
Start inviting people out to do playdates, just explain your schedule...when it is nice outside meet them at the park.
Tell the primary pres. you are having a hard time and wondering if it can be set up so you can go to RS meeting at church once and awhile (like once a month).
Share your testimony in church, even if it is a small one.
Sit closer to the front during church and say hello to people and strike up a conversation.
Maybe invite a new family over for dinner.
That stuff helps...for me at least.
I have to MAKE myself in every ward be the person who does this. Everytime I just sit back and feel sorry for myself that no one ELSE is doing the effort it just gets worse and worse and worse. For me anyways.
Also! temple dates :) seriously everytime I KNOW we should go I almost talk myself out of it. But when we just go (even when we don't feel like it) it is the best thing ever.
Even though the time seems to go by fast, soon enough that cute boy will get bigger, be able to go to nursery, sit still a LITTLE better and you will be able to actually sit at church.
I really believe I have the calling I do so that I will come to church :). If not for that, I would be the "I go for our kids" lady... or possibly sending Mark with the kids. So, what I'm saying here is that I have no advice, no clue. I've been in the ward 3 years and still feel new and uncomfortable every week. I know it's my own fault because of my socially retarded nature- I have yet to find a cure. This is a very long comment considering I am no help at all. Anyways... I will ALways be happy to see you at church :).
This is but a small moment....I really believe that as soon as kids begin to walk, they should be in nursery!! You've got some great comments and you know you're not alone! My kids are all grown up (18 and 22) and I do have moments when I miss the times they were little....Trust me, it will go very, very quickly. As long as you do your best, and are there to take the sacrament, that is what is important; don't worry about what anyone thinks! :)
You are doing your best and thats what matters!I remember taking my three kids to church by myself when they were little (started going alone with them when Hadi was 7 months old and my kids are each 17 months apart..did this for 2 1/2 years) I had the hardest time wanting to get them ready to go and I swear there were many Sundays that I didn't hear or learn a thing, many that I spent chasing kids because I could not block both sides of the bench (did not go all the way to the wall like most) Many times I left ready to cry and embarrassed by my lack of being able to keep them under control when they really were not that bad. Each week I had to talk myself into going and not out of it. Eventually the kids would make sure we were going and be excited to go. They were learning what we were suppose to be doing on Sundays and knew thats where we needed to be. Even when I felt it was pointless I was there..they felt the spirit, they were learning and they were growing in the gospel. Many times I knew no one in the wards I attended because I moved three times in that two years with my divorce etc. I don't feel I fit in and I didn't feel I felt welcomed. Many times I had older women come up to me and smile and tell me I was doing the right thing that it would get easier and to stay strong.(obviously they could see the stress in my eyes/on my face on those days)Those little comments helped me to know that my kids weren't a bother to those around us, and it was important that I continued to go and raise my three children in the gospel. I knew the blessings we are promised with no matter how hard at the time it was to believe in them when my life was falling apart and I had no clue where to turn next. I did my best to keep the faith that it would all work out for me & my kids. I met Brandon, he was in active and had been for years and years. I was worried I wasn't going to be strong enough if I dated him because I was also having struggles going on my own. Heavenly father knew my worries and helped me find the ways to keep me going and invite Brandon to come as well, we attended church when he would come down in Fishlake Lodge (casual dress, jeans and tees if you wanted, in the mountains) and slowly he started attending my wards with me. If you ask him he will tell you the HUGE impact my oldest daughter had on him, her testimony and love for the gospel brought him back and active to the church. Heavenly father knew her strong will and spirit was what Brandon needed, and what I needed. If I had given up, she would not have had such a strong testimony and love for the gospel at such a young age. Brandon and I were sealed in 2009 and we lean on eachother when we have those days and it seems to work out. The days we both are sluggish to go, the kids always seem to know and get us out the door. I am thankful for my kids for they are my best example! I know I am not much help, but just wanted to share my little bit.. hang in there :)
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