my labor of love.

I spent 3 weeks contracting, my body having commitment issues with labor. It was emotionally exhausting. Every week the Dr was always shocked that I made it to another appointment, and every week I was disappointed. I walked around dilated to a 5, wondering when it was going to be the end. My due date came and went, and I just knew she was going to be stuck in me forever...{yes, pregnant women are dramatic like this!}

I picked up BFF in the morning, I had been contracting like normal. I hadn't noticed how close or how long the contractions had been, because I had lost all hope at this point...thinking my body was never going to actually go into labor on its own. We headed to the hospital hoping for good news, and good news is exactly what I got.

Contractions 5-8 minutes apart, and I was in no real pain at all.

I had plans for a natural birth, and had Sharon {a doula} from A Mother's Way scheduled to attend Bri's birth as my primary coach. I sent her a quick text around 10ish to tell her I was at the hospital, and she said she was going to be on her way soon. I still hadn't made any progress from what I had been the past 3 weeks.

BFF and I enjoyed chatting, going on a walk, and taking pictures. It still didn't feel real.

I talked to Paul and he said he would be to the hospital to take BFF's place, and give the kids to her between Noon and 1 PM. It ended up being closer to 1 when he got there. Sharon had arrived, my water had been broken, I was having some strong contractions, and I was feeling really good.

Paul has never loved anything about child birth {I don't blame him!}. When I discussed having a natural labor and delivery with him, he was my number one support. When I would doubt myself, he would tell me that I could do it. What I found most shocking though...Paul totally stepped up in the delivery room, and was a total rockstar birth coach! With a little direction from Sharon, he was taking his turn pushing pressure points during contractions and was right there with me. It made me fall in love with him all over again, because I knew it was completely out of his comfort zone...and yet he was being so supportive.

The next two hours were a blur.

It was hard. It was painful. I cried big ugly tears.

When I started to dry heave and got the violent shakes, I lost it.

I remember looking up at Paul, and telling him I couldn't do it anymore...and I felt sad that I had let everyone down.

I begged for an epidural.

Sharon encouraged me, and told me I could do it...but I lost faith in myself.

The anesthesiologist came in, and while he was in middle of giving me drugs...I could tell she was coming.

10 minutes later, 5 or so pushes, 3:09 PM...Sabrina arrived looking like a mix of her older sister and brother.

Even though I was disappointed in myself that I didn't just hold out for 10 more minutes, this is the delivery I am most proud of. Bri is our last baby, and I got to experience so many things I had never done before.

And no matter how it all happened, in the end we still got a beautiful baby girl in our family...and we are all madly in love.

PS I can't thank Paul, Sharon, and my BFF enough! They made this experience awesome, and I feel blessed to have had such an amazing support to be with me through it all.