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Saturday, June 6, 2009

lessons to be learned.

Today is a day that I would normally not blog about. Today is a day that I hope that I soon forget. Today is a day that I realize I have a lot to learn, and a lot to teach my sweet Van.

I had a big day planned for Van and I. We were suppose to have lots of fun girly bonding time, while Paul still is on the mend. We were suppose to go to Tae Kwon Do, play mini golf, shop, and eat lunch at any place that had a play land.

It took a turn for the worst about 30 minutes after leaving the house. Our first stop was Tae Kwon Do. Let's start off by saying that Van has NO problem making friends. We arrived a little early, but Van was enjoying watching the older children spar. She was being a complete angel...until a "friend" showed up. This older friend kept telling Van to come and play. Van asked, I said no, and Van listened.

We are moments away from the Little Dragon class starting. I place Van where I can see her, but she won't be in anyone's way...tell her to stay right there, and then I walk to my seat. When I turn around, Van is no where to be seen. I panic, of course! I frantically run like a mad woman around the building. I can't find her, and I can't see the "friend" either. At this point the Little Dragon class has started. I finally start to ask everyone if they have seen her...one fine gentleman points to a closed door saying "I think that she might be in there." What do you know the little "friend" had taken her in to this room to play!

You should have seen her face when I walked in the room. It was like a deer in the headlights. She knew she was in BIG trouble. My parenting style is very kick back. Paul definitely is the authority in our family. So when I get mad, Van knows it must be really bad.

I don't think that I have ever picked up Van so swiftly, and proceeded to exit the building. I didn't even have to say a word and she was crying. I wonder where she got that trait from?

Van was grounded from Tae Kwon Do today, the TV for a week, oh, and she can't have soda for a week either. I am such a meanie!

When I was having "the talk" with Van, and asked her why she would disobey me like that she said "my friend told me too!" Really! And that little sentence has been stuck in my head all day long.

One of the biggest things that I have wanted to instill in my daughter is to stand up for yourself. Stand up for what you know is right. Stand up for your feelings. Don't be afraid to go against the grain. And then this happened. I am failing as a Mother.

It took me almost 28 years to learn it, because I was not taught at a young age. I will not let this happen. I will change the pattern. We learned a lesson, and it won't be our last.

11 comments:

Brittani Hill said...

My almost 11 yr. old hasn't learned this yet and I don't have much hope that she ever will-So I plan to mussle,chasity belt and decute her before she becomes a teen! lol!!J/K
Van has lots of time and wonderful parents to learn this-try to be patient and give her only one good/natural consequence for her poor choice(s) she choose's because as you know there will be lots more.I am trying to learn that more is not always better!
Don't be so hard on yourself you are doing an awesome job as a parent.Keep up the good work!
ooxoo Britt
(mother of way to many kids-lol!)

Sam Jo said...

You go Mama!

Brenda said...

I know the feeling of Where Did You Go! So not fun. I'm glade you found her safe and sound.
Your a great mom and I know you did, as the saying goes "Mother knows Best."

Cal said...

here's my 2 cents.
This probably won't be the last time she does this. I question all the time why my kids do things non stop that I tell them and ask them not to do, and it frusterates me and makes me feel like I am not getting through to them, then I realized that they are learning too. I rebelled against my mom until I was 23! you are a great mom and you get disappointed in her because you love her and you want to protect her.
You rock and she knows it!
love ya

jayni & ben said...

Oh my goodness I would have been so nervous not being able to find her. Stupid little friend.

Jerilee E. said...

You are very obviously NOT failing as a mom- I know that just from reading your blog! I have had many mom to child talks with my kids about life and life lessons, yet they still test boundaries ALL the time. I understand the failing as a mom feeling, though.. all too well! Losing your kid is the worst, especially when you don't find them right away. Those kids can slip away so fast!

-nick and whitley- said...

ahh! i'm getting nervous about being a mommy! this "infant" phase is nothing compared to the "discipline" part.... ahh.. what am i going to do?!!!

Janet said...

Don't be so hard on yourself...you still have the teenage years to look forward to LOL.

dust and kam said...

you are the best mom ever. and Van will learn. you could never fail as a mother. ever. i wanna be like you.

Unknown said...

You are a fabulous mother and shouldn't be so hard on my friend :-) But in all seriousness, I think there are things my kids remind me of every day where I could improve. Isn't that what parenting is all about?

Amber! said...

Good for you. And, you are not failing, you are FAR from that! The fact that you figured this out when she is 4 is fantastic. You are a great mom!